Harry Potter and the Future!
by ineligiblebachelor88
Summary: The final fan fiction of JK Howling is here! In the year 2101, everything is in the future! Harry is an old man and his favorite grandson, Willy-Bot Potter, must learn about his destiny and continue on the hero's journey as he meets a bunch of new friends, some people are just fine, and the new dark lord, Newt Salamander from the Fantastic Beasts movie!
1. Prologue

Harry Potter and the Future!

By JK Howling

Prologue

Willy-Tron Potter did a really cool ollie on his Nimbus _Honda_ Hover Skateboard 6000. The Voldemort Memorial Skate Park was really surf's up awesome, thought Willy-Tron in a Southern accent in his head. The Boy Who Rocked did a 370 degree spin and landed it (if those guys from the Olympics were there they would have all given him a perfect score of 10!), but when he landed it there was a loud crack.

When Willy-Tron woke up from being out cold he screamed like a girl because both of his legs were bent the way God doesn't want them to bend. "This fucking sucks!" But then it didn't suck because Hershey-Bot Potter-Hagrid, Lily Potter's and Hagrid's daughter and Willy-Tron's hot cousin, was trotting to him.

"Oh no," said Hershey-Bot said. "You broke that dumbass sign about our grandpap that read 'Your Skating Over the Remains of Hogwarts Academy of Magic People. Want to Know Why? Ask Harry Potter, the Boy Who Lived. Otherwise, Get Back to Your Ollies, Dummies!'"

Hershey-Bot and Willy-Tron batted flirty eyes at each other for five minutes.

"Why should I care that this dumbass sign is broken, Hershey-Bot? Our grandpap is a nobody and an old fart. A real bastard!" screamed Willy-Tron because his broken legs were still not doing great.

Hershey-Bot liked it when Willy-Tron got angry. But then she took out her stick and waved it around, letting the magic out of it that fixed the sign and Willy-Tron's legs. She then put it away in her Wrangler jeans because magic is super secret in the future. But it was too late!

Willy-Tron got to his feet and pulled it out his six-gage pistol! "I'm sorry, Hershey-Bot!" Willy-Tron whispered over Hershey-Bots sobbing. That is until she stopped sobbing, because Willy-Tron shot her eight times…

Willy-Tron was super sad as he did awesome flips on his skateboard on the way home. If only he had not broken that dumbass sign then Hershey-Bot wouldn't have used her magic and he wouldn't have had to kill her, but owe well! That's the way it was in the future! When he arrived at this kickass house that had a bunch of tubes that looked like they were from a hamster cage but bigger and a bunch of robots that were having sex with each other in the front lawn, Willy-Tron's mommy, Goat Potter, jumped out of the front door that was like a hamster cage tube.

"Willy-Tron, you beautiful boy, you forgot to get over to your grandpap's and my daddy's house, the Boy Who Lived AKA Harry Potter! He's waiting for you!" she spoketh.

"Holy shart-o-matic!" said Willy-Tron! It was like six miles away, but he was really fast on his hovering skateboard and it only took him about 30 minutes to get there! His grandpap's house was like houses used to look, but it was really nasty. Willy-Tron remembered his mommy telling him about how it was the house Harry had grown up in with his really lean and muscular Uncle Dudley and pretty and lean Aunt Pansy and really funny and very lean cousin Dursley. It was like the same house Willy-Bot visited when he wasn't 21 years old. There was a big hole in the backyard where Harry used to throw in his raw meat back when that was a fad and there was the added addition with three bedrooms and an indoor pool that was like French Provincial in style that Harry had built himself back in 2044 in the fall.

When Willy-Tron went up to the front door, he put his six digit right hand that every Potter had since Harry did in the first book on the door, but he was surprised to find that there was no _Apple_ Hand Scanner doorbell/lock. But weirdly enough, the door opened...like magic... Willy-Tron walked in and went up the creaky steps on the stairs where he then walked by the first bedroom where there was a pile of dirt and a gravestone where Harry's first wife Ginny was buried. Willy-Tron morened for hours until he moved on to the smelly bedroom where an old man with a long white beard laid on a stained mattress watching _Who Wants to Be a Millionaire?_ reruns hosted by Meredith Viera.

"Come here, you beautiful boy," said Harry Potter with his chapped lips. "I've been waiting for you... Why are you covered in the blood of your hot cousin, Hershey-Bot Potter-Hagrid?"

Willy-Tron almost cried, but didn't because he was a man! "She used magic, grandpap! You of all people should know that ever since Dark Lord Newt Salamander took power all the magic is not legal! You gotta shoot peeps who use it or else you'll get the barrel of the pistol shoved down your throat and sleep with the fishes. Even though Hershey-Bot was my hottest cousin, she had a stick of magic and I had to massacre her."

The Old Man Boy Who Lived laughed really loud that Willy-Bot had to close his ears. "No magic? Fat chance!" He then took out his stick and waved it around until it shot out magic at the 55'' _LG_ C7P OLED Smart TV (which was really old because it was now year 2101!) and the episode of the game show fastforward without any use of a remote. But before Willy-Bot could pull the trigger on his gun that was engraved with his name in cursive writing, the Harry waved his stick and the gun flew out the window and out of Willy-Bot's hand.

"Willy-Bot, you are the best, coolest, and manliest grandson I have and you look exactly like me with your lightning bolt scar and six digit right hand. Imma gonna tell you a secret, ya here? There are magic people every where and you are one of them and you are the next chosen one who is gonna have to defeat the new dark lord like I defeated Voldemort at my high school reunion/Ron Paul Weasley's funeral all those years ago when your mommy was just a baby. You have a lot to learn about your destiny!"

Willy-Bot took a deep breath because he knew an adventure was about to begin!

END OF THE PROLOGUE! Chapter one is next!


	2. Chapter 1

Harry Potter and the Future!

By JK Howling

Chapter One

Willy-Bot Potter pulled out his _Nintendo 5DS_ out of his knapsack and started playing _Super Mario Meets Halo 5 2_ , the hottest game on the cloud. But the Boy Who Rocked couldn't help but peak over his video gaming as his grandpap, the Man Boy Who Lived, dove head first into the shallow end of his private pool.

"They tell you to not dive head first into shallow ends of pools but who are they to tell me what the hell I should be doing? Look at me! My head isn't fucking bleeding like some fucking idiot. I'm a-okay, Willy-Bot," said Harry Potter as he swam underwater upside down and his lips stuck through the surface of the water.

Willy-Bot gave his grandpap three hip-hip-hoorahs to celebrate how awesome he was that he wasn't going to let them tell him how to live his life because he's a free American!

The Man Boy Who Lived swam back and forth like they were laps but laps that were in the water, not on a race course. Willy-Bot glanced at his grandpap's thick mat of gray chest hair and was very jealous because even though Willy-Tron was the coolest of all of Harry's grandchildren he still only had a couple hairs on his chest and half of them were thanks to hair plugs!

Harry Potter stood in the middle of the pool and made eye contact with his grandson as he peed for several minutes in the water and then took a shit. Then the Man Boy Who Lived left the pool and took out his stick that he had stuck in the waist line of his swimming boxers. He waved his stick around until magic had created a pile of hay. He then took out a bottle of gasoline, poured it into his mouth, spat it out on to the hay and then pulled out a lighter, which he lit and threw on the hay.

"Magic is really cool because it is really good at making your life easy as pie, Willy-Tron. Without magic I wouldn't have all the hay I burn to make the heat that I use to dry myself after my morning dip in the pool!" said the Harry Potter.

Sure enough, Willy-Tron's grandpap was right! The burning pile of hay had dried Harry off from all of the damn heat it was making. In fact, the heat was so hot that it melted Willy-Tron's _Nintendo 5DS_ right when he was about to finish his game. Dammit!

"Idk, old man," said Willy-Tron. "Why should I learn about magic? Dark Lord Salamander from the _Fantastic Beasts_ movies is ruling pretty well. I'm still alive right?"

Harry nodded at Willy-Tron's awesome point as he kicked the burning pile of hay into the hay corner of his swimming pool (the water extinguished the fire!). "He is pretty alright. Have you ever seen his _2018 Nissan GT-R_ sports car? That's a hot looking car…" whispered Harry Potter.

Willy-Tron suffered a chunky in his pants from him imagining how hot that car was. It is still a cool car even in 2101! "Why should I even care what you have to say about all of this fucking magic shit?" yelled Willy-Tron as he dumped the puddle of what once was his cool handheld gaming console into the gutter of the pool. He was very careful not to fall in! He doesn't like bodies of water!

"Geez-louise, you haven't even read the goddamn books, huh? Well, I'm Harry Potter!" pointed out Harry Potter.

Willy-Tron's mouth flew open. "Wait, you mean the Harry Potter who was Chosen One? The one who had a fucking good time at some school I've never heard of and did some other stuff?"

Harry couldn't help but chuckle because he still couldn't believe he did all of the things that Willy-Tron just mentioned above this sentence. "You're right, Willy-Tron. You are very smart for putting two and two together and getting four. I am Harry Gordon Potter, the Chosen Son. I went to Hogwarts Academy of Magical People and I met a lot of cool people and chased even more tails. It was a radical time back in the day, but after a couple of years where not much happened, I was involved in a Olympic Broomstick Tournament and the secondest hottest boy to me, Ryan Dickory, became Voldemort and I had to defeat him. With a little help from my friends, but mostly from myself, I defeated him in a couple years time and was able to land my first wife Ginny. After that I solved a Dust Bowl situation at Hogwarts, had a successful barbecue, and then went to a high school reunion of mine where Ron Paul Weasley also was dead, but I never knew him too well in the books."

Willy-Tron almost cried because of how great all of those books and stories were that Harry Potter just described in the many sentences above, but he didn't cry because he's not a girl.

"You are right. The dark lords are real problem here, I think. Dark Salamander, the new lord, is a big ass problem here. It's time that I become the new Harry Potter and get a stick of my own and get some friends to help me a little bit along the way as well as meet some of the old characters from the books and the stories we've already explored, as well as explore the year of 2101 because the future is really fun. It's time that magic people stop living in fear of being shot by people!" screamed Willy-Tron Potter out the window of Harry's French Provincial addition.

"Great to here all of this is kosher, my main man," said Harry Potter to Willy-Tron Potter. "So, let's go get you a magic stick and then you can begin on your journey and I'll help you…for now!"

Harry flew on his broomstick, which was alright but was not better than the speed of technology like Willy-Tron's hover skateboard. Magic wasn't all it was cracked up to be. Anyways, they parked them outside of the bar that you see in the first movie about Harry Potter in London and then they walked through the bar and got to that brick wall. Harry took out the umbrella that he nabbed from Hagrid years ago in a Texas Holdem No Limit card game. Harry touches his tip of the umbrella on the three bricks and the wall came apart with magic.

"Welcome to Hogsville, the strip mall where all the magic people walk and have a great time buying magic stuff. There's also a bank here where I flew away from with a dragon that was enslaved in it in the second to last movie, but what the books and movies don't say is that I recaptured that dragon because the dragon actually wasn't enslaved. It was treated very well and doesn't have to be flying the skies and is now back in the bank, very happy doing honest work," beamed the Man Boy Who Lived.

"Very cool," said Willy-Tron Potter.

"Let's go to Oliver's Stick Shop, hombre," said Harry Potter.

"Okay," said Willy-Tron Potter.

They walked to the Oliver Stick Shop. The sliding glass doors slid open and it looked like _Walgreens_ or a _CVS_ on the inside. "The sticks are in the back," said Harry as he went over to the tech aisle and checked out the _Polaroid_ tablets, which were very cheap.

Willy-Tron walked back to the back of the store where the sticks are. Mr. Oliver was there and he was a real creep. He had absolutely no muscles and he didn't even make up for it with a big beard. He might as well be a girl, thought Willy-Tron in a voice that sounded like Lenny Kravitz.

Mr. Oliver was behind the counter and asked for Willy-Tron's prescription. "Do you have a prescription?" asked Mr. Oliver in a high voice (oh my god!).

"Hi Mr. Oliver, I'm not here for a prescription or to abuse them because I'm sure you are not helping the Opioid Crisis that we're still dealing with in the future because no politicians are keeping their words when it comes to that situation," said Willy-Tron in his Lenny Kravitz voice but this time out loud.

"You're right, I am helping fuel the Opioid Crisis and I'm not sorry about it. I'm making bank, son!" cackled Mr. Oliver.

Willy-Tron wanted to punch Mr. Oliver in his stupid fucking face and rip out each one of his teeth, but he still didn't have his stick. "Okay, my main squeeze, I'm here to get a magic stick."

Mr. Oliver pulled out a gun from out from under his desk, but Willy-Tron was a real man and moved quickly with his muscles and took the gun out of Mr. Oliver's hand. "Okay, I'm here to get a magic stick and I know you sell them you fucking slimeball."

"Okay, okay, you have proven yourself not to be a sting operation, my boy," said Mr. Oliver. "You sure are smart and athletic like a real man, everything that I'm not. Are you a Potter?"

"Why yes I am a Potter. I am Willy-Tron Potter, Harry Potter's grandson." Mr. Oliver applauded Willy-Tron's bloodline for 15 minutes until Willy-Tron told him to stop stalling. Mr. Oliver took out a couple of sticks and gave them to Willy-Tron, but none of them did the trick, but eventually one that was 5'' long and made of oak and had a core of raspberries caused the Kendrick Lamar music in the shop to swell in the background, the light to shine down on Willy-Tron, and the wind to blow his long black hair.

"Looks like you've found you're fucking stick, Willy-Tron," said Mr. Oliver, interrupting a real man's moment. "You're a magic person, Willy-Tron Potter."

Willy-Tron felt his destiny calling and so he pointed his stick at Mr. Oliver. "If I'm supposed to save the world from Dark Salamander, than I'm going to have to start somewhere and that's by getting rid of men who aren't really men, you old fool. Avada Kendra!" yelled Willy Tron as green magic shot out of the stick and hit Mr. Oliver in his muscle-less chest, killing him instantly.

"Willy-Tron, I have bought three tablets that were on sale and I got some Balance Rewards points for the purchase. Have you got the stick and killed that non-man, Mr. Oliver?" asked Harry Potter, the Man Boy Who Lived.

"Yes, and I'm ready to continue down my path to my destiny," said Willy-Tron Potter. "I love magic."

Thanks for reading :)) Chapter 2 coming soon!


	3. Chapter 2

Harry Potter and the Future!

Chapter Two

When Willy-Tron walked out of that dead not a man's store, he was angry. His eyebrows hurt because he was so angry! "I want to tear my teeth out one by one. I'm so angry!" screamed Willy-Tron into the face of some dumbass elf.

"I know. Things are so unfair around here with Dark Salamander stinking up the joint. All of these magic fucks are living like cowards hiding behind a magic brick wall because they're afraid a bullet will kill them even though in movies the bullets always miss so there's actually nothing to honestly be afraid of and there's no need for stupid gun control," Harry whispered into the ear of the dumbass elf that Willy-Tron just yelled at.

Willy-Tron just didn't know what to do or where to go next or who to talk to or how to even kill a Dark Salamander! He was still learning! He just got his first wooden stick in the last chapter btw.

"Don't forget to get a pet! They do all sort of stupid pet tricks and that's why magic people get them because they sure know how to bring a smile to your face!" said Harry Potter.

"That's very cool that I could get an owl or a rat or a cat or a stinkbug, Mr. Potter," said Willy-Tron Potter. "Maybe if I have a pet I won't be so angry because I'll have something to share my anger with haha ha."

Harry pointed his old man fingers at the _Petco_ at the bottom of the strip mall. Willy-Tron huffed and puffed because he didn't have his Jimmy Neutron backpack/jetpack that every future boy has in the future, but Harry was like, no problem! He taught Willy-Tron his first magic trick: Segwayartus. When someone uses that spell a _Segway_ appears, which was nice for Willy-Tron's future young boy feet and Harry's ancient old boy feet. They zoomed to the _Petco_ and when they arrived they moved their sticks and the _Segways_ blew up. AND THEY WEREN'T ARRESTED FOR LITTERING IN THE FUTURE.

Behind the front desk was a big fat guy. HAGRID!

Hagrid was still some big fat fuck in the future, but his hair was gray now because many years had passed before his eyes. He was now the owner of this _Petco_.

"Hi Harry, I am now the owner of this Petco. Look sweetie, it's your old daddy. It's nice to see that he's on his feet and walking around," said Hagrid to his wife, Lily Potter, who was the oldest daughter of Harry Potter and his first wife Ginny Potter.

"You two are great together. A match made in heaven. I heare you make a lot of hot sex these days. Very cool. Very cool," said Harry Potter.

"That must mean you're a real man, Hagrid. I'm Willy-Tron Potter and I'm out to kill Dark Salamander and his army of not men men," said Willy-Tron.

"Nice to meet you, the new chosen one," said Hagrid to his nephew. "The stinkbugs are over in aisle 5, Potter."

Harry and Willy-Tron left to go to the aisle that Hagrid just said to go to for the stinkbugs, but meanwhile, Lily started tonguing Hagrid's beard. Hagrid started groaning the way some guys do when they're getting hot and bothered. Then Hagrid started tonguing Lily's hair and it was getting really freaky. Then Lily almost waved her stick but forgot that Hagrid already had giant sized balls and so she started grabbing at those for a while and Hagrid waved his magic stick and turned her boobs into those buttons that buzz in the show _Family Feud_. Hagrid kept pressing those buttons the more and more he scored with his hot wife. Then they started sexing when Willy-Tron reached the front counter again with his stinkbug, Mega-Terence.

"Oh wow, this really is very hot. Hagrid you are such a man! Will you help me on my journey to kill the weak man Dark Salamander?" pleaded Willy-Tron as he started to cross his legs because he was getting turned on too!

"Sure thing, Potter," said Hagrid in his happy Hagrid voice. "What can I do you for?"

Willy-Tron bit his lip but decided against what he was going to say and instead said something else. "Can you and my hot aunt make another Hershey-Bot Hagrid-Potter for me?"

The two blokes looked at each other, looked back at Willy-Tron, smiled, looked back at each other, nodded, closed each other's eyes and covered them with nickels, and then turned back to Willy-Tron, opening their eyes and ate the nickels, and then said in unison, "Yes, Willy-Tron! Anything for the Chosen Man! The stinkbug is on us!"

Willy-Tron gave them a thumbs up and left them to get down to business on making a new Hershey-Bot for him. But where was Harry? He was outside.

Willy-Tron found Harry outside in a 2018 _Chevy Camaro_ that he had just bought at a dealership across the street. Willy-Tron shoved his stinkbug into his pocket and hopped into the shotgun seat. Harry may be fucking old but he was still a fucking dude!

"Now you have to go to school which sucks but is okay because Hogwarts is long gone, baby!" said Harry over the roar of his _Chevy Camaro_ and the crushing of a bunch of goblin bodies that he had decided to run over as a funny prank. "Now I'll take you to my old mentor from all the books and movies, Professor Fudge and he'll teach you all the ways of magic and prepare you for the magic duel that you'll have against Dark Salamander!"

The way to Professor Fudge's house was a long ass way so Willy-Tron moved his arm while holding his wooden stick and transported the car to Professor Fudge's cottage on the lake.

The cottage was made of gold because Professor Fudge was a High Roller. Or at least once was before he became old…

Harry knocked on the door of his old mentor's golden cottage on the lake but no one answered the door for several hours. "I don't think anyone's home anymore, said Harry," said Harry.

Willy-Tron for once new better than the Old Man Boy Who Lived and he moved his stick and blew open that gold door and inside stood Professor Fudge who now did homeschooling now that the public education finally got defunded because ALL TEACHERS SUCK!

"You passed your first test, Mr. Willy-Tron," said Professor Fudge. "You were smart enough to know not to give up which means you have plenty of heart. More than Harry Potter even…"

Harry was blushing from embarrassment and Willy-Tron started feeling confident.

"Well, now that you have me right where you want me, it's time for two more tests and then you'll be a powerful magician!" said Professor Fudge in a cajun accent which got a giggle from Harry and Willy-Tron because he sometimes acted silly I guess.

Willy-Tron changed into his robes and Harry sat in his _Chevy Camaro_ blasting songs by Cee-Low Green his favorite artist since he was a lad. Then Willy-Tron met Professor Fudge by the lake that his cottage was next too.

"I used to be a High Roller," said Professor Fudge. "I raked in the dough and got plenty of tail, but Dark Salamander took that all away from me because just like Voldemort, he fears me the most. He was afraid of Hogwarts even though it was a private charter school and I was running it great at no tax payer expense, but he destroyed it because I was there. I was raking in the dough in my casino in Tallahassee but he destroyed that too. Now I'm hiding in my cottage by the lake and he hasn't found me."

Willy-Tron nodded because he understood.

"Now I'll train you to have him fear you too. Lesson Two: geicos. You need to bring me all the little critters called geicos in the lake right now and bring them to me. Trust me I've been tossing a lot of them into this lake waiting for the day that someone like you will show up and fish them out for me. This will teach you to roll up your sleeves, be a man, and get the job done, something Dark Salamander never learned."

Willy-Tron took his stick and stood on the peer waving it around and concentrating. He could feel all the geckos in the water squirming around like the slippery shits that Willy-Tron always had whenever he ate the Jack Daniel's® Ribs at _TGI Friday's_.

His nose started bleeding, but his muscles started growing and his penis started growing too. He was becoming a real man's man! Sure enough he opened his eyes and the geckos were all floating to him and Professor Fudge who was very happy to get all his geckos back. THERE WERE LIKE 5000 OF THEM!

When Professor Fudge put them all away in his cage that he bought on _Amazon_ , he patted Willy-Tron on the shoulders and gave him a big smile that he usually only showed people whenever he ate some good ice cream.

"Time for lesson three: love! Just like that asshole Voldemort, Dark Salamander never had a girlfriend and never had sex and of course never knew how to make love! Harry was able to defeat Voldemort because he knew how to make love. Do you know how to make love?"

Willy-Tron laughed but really he was nervous because he realized he was near a body of water and he was afraid of those like in chapter 1 where he was by the pool. But then he realized that he had been lying to everyone! He had never made love to someone!

But before he could answer, all the water in the lake turned to charcoal like from a grill and in the middle of the charcoal was Dark Salamander who had been listening to everything happening. It was a trick!

Professor Fudge started waving his stick to protect Willy-Tron but too late! Dark Salamander no longer feared him because Professor Fudge had trusted a boy who had never made love at a woman before. So, Dark Salamander waved his stick and filled Professor Fudge up with charcoal until he exploded from too many charcoals and his guts were everywhere.

Willy-Tron didn't know what to do because he never made love to someone before or even watched a porn to think of it. So, Dark Salamander started waving his stick to kill him when Harry Potter, who was now an old man unlike the books, stepped forward with Cee Low Green still playing the background.

"Run, Willy-Tron! There is still hope!" said Harry as his magic met Dark Salamander's magic in a big explosion.

Willy-Tron ran to the woods that were around Professor Fudge's cottage by the lake and looked back to see the explosion light the charcoals on fire and burn Harry alive like a hamburger that my Uncle Nelson is really good at making (not too burned up!).

Willy-Tron screamed, "No!" Harry Potter finally croaked. Dark Salamander escaped the charcoal lake and flew away laughing and yelling, "You're next, virgin!"

Willy-Tron was mad because he knew that Dark Salamander was a virgin too, but as he flipped through the woods on his hover skateboard, he knew what he had to do. He had to make love to a woman. He had to become a man!


End file.
